Ego Escape

Just when things appear to settle down we’re often struck by a totally unexpected storm, one whipped up and promoted by ego. As the hyper-defensive element of our earth-bound self, it doesn’t take much to set off a frenzied response to an often exagerated threat. For ego is a restless wee beastie, one unable to lead us into the pasturelands of peace, into the cool caverns of contentment.

Of course at times ego’s second-sight is spot on. We may in fact be under attack from the ego of another, one as dysfunctional as our own, one prone to defend personal space and pseudo-integrity at the slightest hint of danger.

So what hope is there for us in the storm-tossed sea that we call life, the space-time conundrum of ego warfare? Well, thankfully we’re not all ego, for the fragmented and wounded psyche is only the tip of our Being iceberg. Ego likes to tell us that it is identical to Self. Yet it lies., for deep within us, under our trauma-scarred layers of soul skin , lies our Core Self, the tender implant of Divine Love. It’s name, spirit – the paradoxically transcendent/ immanent otherness that permeates all things.

Thankfully such a Presence is available to us once we’ve awakened from ego’s propaganda dream, one in which it promotes itself as, not only our little helper, but that of Source Itself. Shocked out of our numbing slumbers by a crisis that ego can’t handle, we mercifully fall into the therapeutic arms Presence, viz. spirit, that inner spark from the Divine Fire.

From then on in, we can live in one of two ways. Plugged into the stress inducing, constant alert settings of ego or the peace stream that freely flows from spirit. This radical change in the daily options open to us, dramatically helps us ride the waves of adversity as they come our way. Indeed, walking in the Spirit, as the mystic Paul so aptly put it, can defuse such explosive threats before they even reach us. Ego, on the other hand loves to precipitate such debilitating events as a justification n for its existence, its means of feeling wanted and more importantly needed.

No, awakening to who we truly are, is the only lasting road to peace, a peace that bypasses the never-ending ego data of the wounded psyche-soul, a peace gifted to us via the portal of spirit.

In practice we tend to move in and out of two dissimilar world’s, viz. the jungle of ego encounters, and the realm beyond, the Spirit Ocean of Divine Love. Self -compassion and forgiveness comprise the doorway to the latter, a doorway through which we can walk at will. Of course one world is more Real than the other, but its exploration is one that takes a lifetime. Such is the purpose of life.



Soul 3

Rain Clouds Of The Soul


I’m sitting here in the dreary Lincolnshire rain, waiting for my wee doggie Suki to get groomed. The overpowering sense of greyness has loosened my muse to roam as it pleases. The raindrops damp dance on the roof of my car conspire with the cloud-filled skies to remind me of our psyche-soul and its past, and sometimes present, sojourn through the nothingness of depression and melancholy.


Saturated by a multitude of fears, our hyper-sensitive psyche closes its doors to the Unknown, the very place where Divine Love dwells to woo the spirit of humankind. The dull survival based setting of nothingness promises much; a technique to keep us safe, albeit deeply miserable as we await normality to return and send us on our way.


Yet here, under the de-energizing darkness of the soul, is an opportunity to discover what is Real and what is not. The myriad of little sub-personalities who claim our attention, like Job’s well-meaning comforters, reveal themselves and their fear-driven agendas. Each promises us safety and a report of the state of play within our world. Yet, each is misleading, catching only a mere glimpse of the spectrum of Truth. Their take on our emotional and spiritual equilibrium is an exaggeration and a big one at that, leading us deeper into to the toxic mix of depression, anxiety and a lot more voices, each promising to be our savior.


So where does balance come from as we await the passing of the clouds of despondency. Well, in that very fact – that this too will pass. The transience of ‘the blues’ is as certain as the passing of our highest epiphany. We are creatures made to sail the seven seas of life, surviving the storms and enjoying the rewards of welcomed calm.


Once we realize that our psyche-soul is a sensuous ship that sails Life’s ever-changing ocean then we can accept our journey with all its highs and lows. For in seeing that part of us for what it is, we gain perspective, one that enables us to look further into our sense of Being. The reward of such an outlook is the discovery of our Core Self, that timeless ingredient of our identity that lies beyond the rain clouds and sunshine of life; a constant spark of the Divine Fire that knows it Source and the direction of Home. A still, ever-burning flame that cannot be quenched, the love-child of Divine Love, placed at the very centre of Self, the preserving anchor of our sanity when the troubled rains of life fall.


Once realized and encountered, albeit briefly, we can no longer be swept into the pit of despair and left for dead. For even there, the rays of the Divine Sun will warm our troubled hearts and reveal the Elysian Fields that are to come.


Love 8

Cry For Love


The world of humankind is one long wail. A heart piercing scream that flows from its dysfunctional, broken soul; a symptom of a break long gone, when we walked away from Source looking for who knows what. We run around like a scavenging dog looking for others’ discarded morsels of pleasure and reassurance. It lasts for a while, until we are mercifully jolted out of our stupor by One who tracks us down. A Hound of Heaven that’s had our scent from before time immemorial.

So how does it happen? Well, usually through a transpersonal crisis and a big one at that; an unexpected, irresistible turn of events that hits us for six. Health, relationships, finances, even sanity itself all lie within its varied but effective armoury. Floored, with our ego defenses lying shattered on the cold ground of Earth, we enter into a Darkness, one in which we shall paradoxically come to see the Light.

It appears that we are descending into the very essence of Hell itself as ego screams for all its worth. Yet, in Reality we are rising upwards to a Heaven of liberating Love, one that knows exactly what it’s doing. Stripped to the bare bones of our Core Self, we appear helpless, not knowing which way to turn, as yet unaware that we are now free to reconnect with a Love without price.

This return, this drawing back to Source and its timeless Being, is the reason we are here; a surrender to the very starting point of our very consciousness. A prodigal’s return to where it all began. The Grace that launched a zillion stars as the backdrop for a timeless story of Love spurned and Love rediscovered.

So as we head into our daily routine, let’s not forget the bigger picture, the inner drama being played out in every waking second of our time on the Stage called life. Shakespeare has nothing on the Mind that conjured up such a passionate tale of existence and Beyond.



Frozen Faith

When I cast the occasional look back over my old spiritual and religious haunts, I’m frankly astounded. For what I see is a frozen version of what was birthed in radicalism and unconformity. What began as a somewhat idealistic, yet deeply genuine search for God and all things divine appears to have morphed into a rigid belief system, one that doesn’t allow for honest questioning and experiential change. In my book, ‘Way Beyond The Blue’ I wrote a little parable to describe this settling process. In it the waters of Spirit were placed in religious and esoteric buckets and told to flow no more. God was taken in for care, like an ageing relative who could no longer be trusted to do their own thing.


In my early pilgrimage everything was taught and learned through the specs of scriptural texts. If a Biblical story couldn’t be found to back up our experience of God then I’m afraid it was immediately suspect. Revisiting the social media sites of my past religious contacts I see nothing has really changed. Sermons are still preached on David and Goliath, Paul’s letters to his Roman converts, and of course the scariest of all, ‘The Book of Revelation’. The menu hasn’t changed that much over the past 40 years, apart from a few trendy added extras to disguise the taste. The same trite, well-worn insights are wheeled out, Sunday by Sunday, to keep those in attendance committed to the cause, rather than exploring the boundless prairies of Divine Love.


Many of my old friends, after years of faithful service, have been promoted to the position of ‘elder’ or wise Christian guardian of all things church, allowing them to preach the odd sermon now and again when the pastor is away on vacation. What a settled and predictable life, one that resists Spirit in It’s dogged atempts at blowing things apart, at turning our beloeved belief systems upside-down. I guess, having been shaken to the core by the tragic storms of life, I can no longer hold to this sure and steadfast mindset, one that has maintained every jot and title of my friends’ adolescent faith.


It appears that my old spiritual nurseries still foster a semi-infantile view of all things God. Just turn up every Sunday morning, sing a few songs, give a few dollars, and listen to the same old sermons and all will be well. Of course, it doesn’t really work out like that as life buffets us for our good. Suffering, it would appear, is part of the deal, not a major part , though an unavoidable and highly significant one. The iconic Nazarene Himself could have quite easily slipped into the religious mindset of his day and been a good Torah believing, synagogue-attending Jewish boy. Yet He didn’t. For, something was stirring deeply in his psyche-soul, a spiritual energy that led him into the minefield of reformist and prophetical life. A path that eventually ended (at least within space-time) as a tortured, hanging victim of a second-rate Roman execution squad.


Of course many of my old friends suspect that I have fallen away from my early faith, my first love to use the evangelical vernacular. They may well be right, but I reckon that like Alice of Wonderland fame I’ve tumbled down a rabbit-hole more in touch with the Reality of which the Nazarene spoke. A ravenously loving God, one running wild outside the concept-based, formal paddocks of religious conservatism. Now, before any of my former comrades raise the old chestnut of one having ‘a root of bitterness’ lurking deep within, may I respectfully save them time and effort by stating that thankfully that particular trait melted away a long time ago. No, what presently lies with spiritual gut is rather a potent cocktail of sadness and bewilderment. A sadness that grieves the lack of risk taking present in my old faith communities, and a bewilderment at the level of toxic stoicism that has infiltrated the unquestioning and often subservient followers of Jesus.

The religious life is a funny old thing.



The Hamster Wheel Of Life

I’ve just visited our local pet shop, observing all the little life forms that manifest the vivid imagination of Creator Source. Anyway, my eyes were serendipitously drawn to a little hamster doing his morning exercises on his wheel, furiously running nowhere fast. I’d been thinking about the routines of life in the last day or so, and suddenly my little furry friend has focused my various thoughts.

We human beings love routine. In fact, in its simplest form it beneficial to our mental and spiritual health. Nature is filled with the rhythms of life, the times to grow and the times to die, the times to work and the times to rest. All are wired into the nature of our space-time experience and rightly so.

Such routine as designed by Source, allows time for contemplation and communion, those moments that keep us sane.

Yet, we humans with our wounded psyches are prone to delusions and none worse than the hamster wheel of life. Trapped by an ever encroaching and competitive world our wounded psyches are prone to permanently living life in top gear. The rev counter goes off the scale as we attempt to prove to ourselves and others that we have value and deserve to be loved. A frantic race for acceptance that chases the approval of significant others and those not so significant.

Much of our pseudo-identity comes from how hard we run on our personalised wheels of illusion. “If only I could………” becomes our mantra of choice as we step up our egoistic efforts to finally make it. Of course society, as our self-appointed l life coach, cheers us on our way, driving us to ever more draining levels of exertion. A tired individual is one that’s easily manipulated and kept in their self-obsessed box, no threat to the powers that be, those who profit from our energy depletions. As we look to the side we see others running the same frenzied race and redouble our efforts in case we get left behind. To do so would be tantamount to failure, the loss of identity and self worth.

So what hope is there for us as we drive forward, with the sweat of our endeavours ever dripping down our furrowed brows? Well thankfully, destiny, providence or Source conspire to knock us off our spinning wheels when the time is right. Every time something goes wrong in our fear-fuelled race for meaning, is an opportunity for escape and reflection. Sadly, our worried psyches try and get us back on ASAP in order to ease our inner angst. Yet, it is an angst that must be squarely faced and experienced if we are to awaken to the madness of our present running track, a wheel that takes us absolutely nowhere.

Burn out is painful, the all too often end of the road for our hamster like efforts. The penny finally drops that all our expended energies have been for nought. We are where we started, wounded souls that can’t do anything to save themselves. As we lie disillusioned and exhausted, the life force almost drained our of us, we surrender to we know not what. Such a yielding isn’t in vain, for in our darkest hour something of Light reveals itself to us in the whispers of the night. “You are my beloved. You always have been and you always will be.” The treasure that we have been chasing for all those years of ego sprints on the hamster wheel of life.

Time perhaps to ditch the wheel?



Wasted Energy

When all is said and done, rivalry and inter-personal warfare are a tragic case of wasted energy and wasted lives. Following ego’s diktats to show the other what we’re made of is a descent into the abyss, that dark spiral of reciprocal attacks and character assassination. The demonisation of the other in an attempt to protect our sense of personal integrity and personhood promises much but is a psycho-spiritual cul-de-sac. For as we launch our first or second strikes of verbal or physical animosity our true Self only retreats back into the mists of ego, as we await the expected counter-attack.

 Such games of destructive ping-pong only exhaust the limited supplies of energy that lie within our fragile psyche. At the end of it all we both lie exhausted in the wastelands of our our making. Two insecure and deeply unhappy souls who have nothing left to give. The reciprocal antagonism has taken its toll as darkness appears to win the day.

 Thankfully though there is another way. We can protect our Selves from damage in three simple steps.

 Firstly, we can realise that we are not our ego’s. There is much more to us than our shadow self, who masquerades as our be all and end all. No, we have a Self that flows from Source, the child of God within us that is fashioned for freedom and Divine connection. A timeless jewel, that lies behind the conscious mind, one that defines our very being and is beyond the reach of other. All wounding in inter-personal scuffles takes place on the sensitive plains of psyche, our space-time self. That’s where we feel the pain. But in spirit never.

 Secondly, we can walk away. There is no need to wage war on the battlefields of ego. By detaching from the fight and simply withdrawing from the frenzied fury of other, we give ourselves space to refocus and reconnect with what’s really important, namely our core Self. In the heightened energies of the fray it’s almost impossible to stay free from ego’s reflex response. It’s part of our animal wiring. No, best to disconnect with all that being flung at us and find our Self in the depths Solitude, for it is there that we are loved unconditionally by Source. For some of us that may mean withdrawing physically from the scene of battle, or the ever-increasing acrimonious conversation that has ensued. Communication usually needs to be temporarily put on hold, if not permanently. In doing so we are doing our ‘opponent’ a favour by breaking the cycle of vicious engagement. They too, on our departure, will have the opportunity to reconnect with who they really are.

 Thirdly, once we have settled into the calm of spirit Self, we can take the Divine option, namely to forgive our fellow combatant. To forgive is not to deny the hurt that their ego has caused us, but to supersede it by speaking words of release to their Higher Self, the divine spark within. For we are all dysfunctional, one no better than the other, yet ones with the same Spark within. To hold forgiveness back is to keep ourselves chained to the realm of ego and its deep angst, the pain of words spoken and actions received. In forgiving we are not letting the other off the hook, but letting our Self off the hook of victimhood, the moral high-ground that only results in continuing pain. No. in forgiving the other we are detaching at the level of wounded psyche and showing our Self great compassion. Once done, the Divine healing powers can begin to seal the cuts and bruises of our past piercings.

 Knowing and living with other folk isn’t easy, particularly when we attempt to relate on the level of ego. It’s well nigh impossible. It’s on the heights of spirit that we can give and receive love, that therapeutic energy that flows from Source.

So let’s give up the fighting, no matter what the cause.



When, as individuals, communities or nations, we come under great pressure ,we often enter what I term ‘the Silly Season’. As cracks begin to show within our psyche/soul or within the collective of humanity, we tend to go into a tailspin, looking for an anchor to hold us in the storm, the more solid looking the better.

In times like this we tend to choose a charismatic Model to show us the way and impart some of their perceived strength into our shaky self-belief. Unfortunately this only makes things worse for as we swop something of our individuality for a piece of their action, we are entering a volatile world of transmitted desire, one that promises much but will eventually end in tears. For those we worship today we disdain tomorrow, once the imitative enchantment is broken. In the meantime we set our rational thinking aside as we receive the spin of our Model with quasi-religious devotion, basking in their glory and their public stance on issues dear to our heart.

 Now don’t get me wrong. Leaders, particularly charismatic ones have a role to play as we search for answers. It’s just that they themselves are not the answer. A leader worth their salt, no matter how appealing will always send us back into our inner world, one stripped of all but Self and Source.

 At other times, in our semi-fragile state, we seek solace in an ideology or belief system, a way of thinking that claims truth, one apart from all the other mind-game perceptions on offer. Like a hungry dog we gobble it up it like a piece of discarded meat, in an attempt to satisfy our pangs of inner turmoil. Again, it tends to be a case of all or nothing as we adopt the political, religious or philosophical creed with great gusto, elevating it to the dizzy heights of Truth.

As an ideological convert we crusade for the cause with blind devotion and disregard for those of the ‘other’ camp. But let’s be honest though – thought systems can never unite us, not even the ones that proclaim our inherent unity. For in adopting an ideology we automatically disregard others, most of which will contain a slither of truth. As soon as the shutters come up and the others demonized, we have only entered into a mirage of freedom, one based on rivalry and a falsely perceived purity. No, in attempting to heal our inner angst with the unquestioning adoption of an established thought system we are only entering the us-and-them contagion of the mob, albeit one dressed in the deceptive garments of morality.

 Ideologies tend to the heightened caricatures of valid perceptions that tend to separate rather than unite. Even the no-ideology tribe, those of us who adopt supposedly free thinking trains of thought aren’t really that free, for in adopting such a belief we tend to demonise those who do not, looking down upon them with a smug superiority.

 So where does that leave us? Is there no solution to our internal our outer insecurities? No Model or Ideological crutch upon which to lay our restless angst? Well there is an answer and thankfully It’s not a crutch – a Light which only dwells in the Darkness of our brokenness and brutal honesty. A place where ego and its frantic search for justification finally surrender to pure Being. Burnt up in the Fires of Divine Love the addictive desire for Model heroes and/or one-size-fits-all belief systems no longer haunts our waking hours. We have come Home and all is well.

The Silly Season is over.


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