Feeling Down
Some days we just feel down. Within our conscious mind there doesn’t appear to be any particular reason. We just feel alone, unloved and most of all insignificant, just a collection of atoms waiting for our inevitable demise. Of course, if this goes on for any considerable length of time, we may be suffering from some form of clinical depression. However, that’s not what I wish to address in today’s wee blog. No, I just want to focus on the bog-standard, feeling down kind of day.
May I start by suggesting that the term feeling down isn’t just a linguistic accident. It genuinely reflects how we feel. We sense that we’re at the bottom of some psycho-spiritual pile. It’s this sense that I wish to explore further.
Let’s look at this heightened feeling in terms of our dual Self , viz. psyche-soul and spirit essence. Our psyche is the part of us where we feel down. It’s not an area that’s easily understood in our day-to-day sojourn. In its fragmented and wounded state, it operates as ego, that extremely shrewd, defensive operator who seeks to protect us from further attack and rejection. It’s important to realise that ego perceives life to be a ladder. Those at the top (the winners) feel good, while those at the bottom (the losers) feel bad.
Of course, this take on reality is an illusion, but nevertheless a powerful one at that. Most of us see our relational network as this ego ladder. Everyone we meet is subconsciously slotted onto a rung by our inner desire settings. Those above us we desire to be; those beneath we shun, feeling a smug superiority that deceptively makes us feel both safe and valued. Our position on this ego ladder shifts from minute to minute – at a moment’s notice, a glance of disapproval from someone can rearrange our psyche-soul’s pecking order and its associated feelings.
The person whom we admire most on our inner ladder of self is our Model – the one we insatiably desire to be, albeit of course on a subconscious level. They appear to have the safety and power that we crave. Their desire becomes our desire as we inadvertently initiate the cloning process; allowing them into our inner world to mold us in their semi-divine image. Initially, such a possession can be exhilarating, as we perceive ourselves morphing into the one who is all that we are not. The sense of empowerment that flows from our fascination with our relational model seems to cancel out our prior feelings of inadequacy and shame.
However, over time our inner promotion on the relational ladder only leads to further problems. For, as we attach ourselves to the desired persona, our Model begins to sense the vampire-like approach of our life-sucking desire. This usually results in a dramatic shutting off of the emotional pipeline running from our desired hero to our cloned sense of self. Somehow they suddenly perceive us as a threat to their own sense of self, an invading psycho-spiritual cuckoo who wants to take over the nest of their individual being.
Of course, this break in affection hits us for six as we frantically redouble our efforts to share our Model’s elevated rung. Once more, we are pushed back, demoted down the ego ladder to a much safer position for our Model idol. And so our hyper-sensitivity to rejection is further heightened, landing us in a lower position on our ladder self than we initially occupied. Our Model has now become our Model Obstacle, the one to blame for our lowly position. In this way our emotional world quickly shrinks into a frantic battle for approval, a much sought after authentication from our now wary Model. The one we worshiped has morphed into our enemy, a love-hate relationship having been established.
Of course there’s an answer to these ego games, viz. the discovery of our other, authentic spirit Self, that inner Divine spark of inestimable value and worth. Once we willingly detach from ego’s psychic vampire hunt for the blood of approval, we discover another Self within. The Source of All resides within the dark, inner spirit chambers of our being. There the embrace and transfer of Divine affection takes place without rivalry and conflict. We have returned home to find a psycho-spiritual freedom in the embrace and welcome of Divine Love.
So, if you’re feeling a wee bit down today just look within and see if you’re climbing on the old ego ladder of relational desire. It might just be the key to stepping out from under the heavy burden of a Model Obstacle. By letting our Model Obstacle play their own ego games, and walking away, One will draw close to validate and authenticate us. Our spirit Self will be touched by Divine Love, the One without rivalry, the One we call God.
Writer Dylan Morrison 