Posts Tagged ‘dysfunctional churches’

Why Do I Feel Weird In Church?

Why Do I Feel Weird In Church?

This is my last post, at least for a while on the subject of mimetic or imitative desire. I want to make it practical and help you identify the strange feeling that you get when you’ve attended church or any other faith community for a while. The pastor, minister, or priest has probably never warned you about it, but it’s there nonetheless, itching away under your confident religious identity.

In the last post we saw how Yeshua died to publicly expose and nullify skewed mimetic or imitative desire. Once this hidden control system was shown for what it was, Yeshua, through Holy Breath, realigned us into direct harmony with the Divine Parent, Abba.

It reminds me of an experiment I did in Physics class when I was knee-high to a grasshopper and had lots of hair. We were given a piece of iron and told how its molecules were totally chaotic, all pointing in a multitude of directions. As the magnets were distributed we were instructed to ‘stroke’ the iron in a particular direction with our magnet. Amazingly after a few strokes our little pieces of iron absorbed the magnetic field of the magnet while its molecules came into harmony by pointing in a set direction. What a great illustration of positive mimesis. By drawing alongside us Spirit has brought our wayward and skewed desires into line with those of Divine Love.

Well that’s the theory but of course we’re still living in the midst of a mimetic culture with its own powerful gravitational field. As followers of Yeshua we tend to hop in and out of desire fields – i.e. the Kingdom and our mimetic world system – ‘I want what you desire – indeed I want your desire, so I can be like you’

One of  the most freeing insights I’ve ever received on my Journey was to understand that the Christian community, commonly known as Church, is not the Kingdom of God. It ‘s designed to be a living model of Divinely restored mimetic desire but not the desire field itself. Just because we’re part of a faith community doesn’t guarantee that we’re enjoying the freedom from skewed desire that Yeshua has promised us by Spirit.

So what is this strange feeling that I talked about earlier  – the one that informs you that something isn’t quite right in your church? Instead of trying to honestly identify the source of such a feeling many of us Yeshua followers jump on, what I call, our religious treadmill – trying harder to fit in but ultimately finding things only get worse as we spin our way to emotional and spiritual exhaustion.

The problem is, however, quite easily identifiable – you’ve stepped out of imitative desire / harmony with Holy Breath becoming a slave to the surrounding group mimesis. This skewed desire matrix is what holds many religious groups together and indeed, gives them their particular identity.

Yeshua is of course the nominal figurehead but often the real mimetic centrepoint or model of the community is the zealous pastor/ minister/ priest. Scripture is often cleverly twisted in order to to keep the subliminal desire-show on the road. Folk are virally infected by the leaders apparent holy desire, gradually but subconsciously trying to imitate him in his seemingly clear connection with the Divine.

In my own experience, even my handwriting style became a clone of my pastor-model’s – I had the mimetic virus really bad, but that’s another story. Unfortunately such a leader-centered desire matrix leads to intense competitive rivalry within the band of followers, disguised as commitment to the pastor, community or even God Himself.

Such rivalry eventually leads to departures and splits – if the leader begins to sense the ever nearing approach of their desire clone, like some bible carrying zombie in the night of the dead, then they usually freeze out the follower through tighter control or an emotional expulsion.

‘If you’re becoming like me then you might replace me!’

In some rare cases the model leader is the one who has to depart due to the emotional dependency of his disciple clones. Like blood-sucking vampires, the ‘flock’ don’t give the leader space to be his/herself. Nervous breakdowns within professional faith leadership is usually the end result of such intense desire matrixes.

So, if you’ve regularly left church feeling worse than when you went in, stop and think! Your skewed desire alarm has been going off. You’ve probably sat through a dysfunctional exchange of desire that  subconsciously blocks your new-found mimetic harmony with the Divine. Amazing but true! Do spread the word around about this wolf in sheep’s clothing. If we talk about it enough perhaps we Yeshua’s followers might just start to enjoy the Divine life flow that the Nazarene promised!



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