Writer Dylan Morrison

I’m Not Myself Today!

“I’m not myself today’ is a strange wee self judgement. Our core Self, or spirit spark doesn’t change, so what’s going on? Well, it’s simply that a different combination of our sub-personalities have decided to show up today. Triggered by external events, often the impending approach of a Model Obstacle’s desire field, a new collage of our little ones is hastily projected for defensive purposes. Who we, or others, think we are is only a permutational image of psyche-soul splinters in the kaleidoscope of our inter-personal consciousness.

I wrote this wee update on my facebook page last night, not really knowing where it came from or what provoked it. I guess I must have been feeling a wee bit confused over who I really am. I wonder if you’ve ever felt the same? I guess if we were all honest we just don’t think about it too much as we prefer to drift along on the sea of life. Anyway, I thought I’d expand my thoughts a little in this new blog. Here goes.

Is there a real Me? Well, yes and no! Yes because there appears to be someone lying behind consciousness who watches our internal games with a pure and life affirming objectively. There is a Me looking on with a compassionate honesty at the games I play. This somewhat hidden but powerfully present Me, is a spark from the Divine Fire. It may even be based outside space-time, apparently dipping into my space-time consciousness from time to time! Religious and spiritual traditions have given this Self-Essence many names, but I’ll plump for the term spirit or breath – a breath of God if you like. We all have it at our core, even if the majority of us are totally oblivious to its presence. How come? Well, it lies underneath the constant storm of our psyche-soul and its little battalion of  defensive sub-personalities.

Now, some of us may not even be aware of these little guys and gals running around the fortress of self-perception. All we know is that who we are appears to change on a fairly frequent basis, depending on our external circumstances and internal pressures. For most of the time we are the sum of the little sub-personalities who happen to be on duty at the time. At a moment’s notice a new threat to our peace and sense of self may be picked up, and a quick change of personal is called for.

For every sub-personality that attacks us from another, we have a relevant soul-based defender, one who can protect our fragile sense of self. This explains how when the dust of a sudden attack has settled we wonder why we did what we did – in other words, what got into us! Actually nothing got into us, for our reactions were the automatic responses of our awakened resident defenders.

Now, I’ve written elsewhere regarding where this fragmented soul force has come from – one birthed by the crushing traumas of love withdrawal in the womb and early infancy, but here I want to be as practical as possible. I wish to consider our energy levels after such inter-personal skirmishes. Well, often we are totally shattered, feeling like we have gone 10 rounds with some heavyweight prize-fighter. And indeed, we have, for though small, the sub-personality, whether ours or another’s is a potent little scrapper. Originally we were designed to live in harmony with both God and man, before contagious mimetic desire birthed the chaos we presently navigate our way through. In this state of innocence, energy was high and peace a tangible entity – the afternoon stroll in the mythical Edenic Garden.

But now we live in the psycho-spiritual plains of desire where we all both predators and victims. It’s certainly tiring and we can only take it for a limited amount of time. Living by the manual of desire warfare does eventually take its toll as our internal sub-personalities collapse in a psychic heap – nervous breakdown by another name.

So, how are we to live and to live life abundantly. Well, the key is to get in touch with our observer Self, our spirit portal to the One without need of rivalry and warfare. Observing our internal fighters from the vantage point of spirit we can countermand our sub-personality tendencies to strike back. To engage in psychic wars is death; to observe from afar is to disengage and return to barracks. The gift of Will, can now come into play, bringing order and dignity to those wounded parts of Self, who foolishly perceive themselves to be our saviour. On a practical note, the more we can practice observation without engaging the raging sub-personalities of others the more we maintain our internal peace.

Of course, non of us have fully arrived and will let our little defenders sink their teeth into others from time to time. In such circumstances, the way of restoration lies in compassion and forgiveness for our overly zealous, central nervous system warriors and those of the other. In doing so we can return to the quiet equilibrium of just being and walk away. No-one was greater at this stuff, than the Nazarene, the One from Above who knew both his origins and final destination. “Father forgive them for they know not what their sub-personalities are doing.”

We too can say the same.

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