Why Churches Explode
Let’s face it. Churches are intense groups of folk who claim to have found God and certain that He/She dwells among them. It’s a heady basis for any gathering of people, no matter how saintly. Traditions of millennia have tempered the inter-personal dynamic of many, with a smiling nod of the head or the traditional hand-shake at the door being the only expected behavior of many attendees.
Yet for some church is a lot more; a hot-house of belief where a sense of family is encouraged with all the dangers that entails. When God is seen as the Big Daddy, the leadership, Big Brothers or Sisters, and the majority of folk, children of God at various stages of spiritual growth, then we inadvertently sow the seeds of trouble further down the line.
Over time the family connection takes over from the Divine connection within, subtly becoming the defining stage for our place in the world. Our fellow members become more important to us than those previously in relationship with us. We take our cue from our standing within the family, and especially how we are viewed by the established leadership.
Of course, such psycho-spiritual tweaks aren’t part of the public persona, where freedom in Christ or the Spirit is the name of the game, but they are there nonetheless. The longer we’ve been around a family church the more we play the game, secure in our position in the God rankings, particularly if our particular ‘ministry’ is valued by those who can discern such things.
The pressure within such faith groups is pretty intense with a high level of commitment expected by those around us. Indeed an introductory ‘commitment’ course, of weekly lectures is often a necessary prerequisite for those wishing to join. ‘Better to know what you’re getting into before committing’ goes the standard line. And yet, the high level of commitment required is itself a subliminal carrot that draws us into the tight-knit group. In the depths of our being we want to belong to a group that knows where its going, especially if that destination is the Divine Will itself.
As relational rivalry emerges within the family it is quickly interpreted by those in leadership as the challenge to love as Jesus loved. Indeed it is often seen as the reason we gather in intensity in the first place; the human community where our ‘rough edges’ are removed as we surrender our own desires and will to the greater good of the family. In practice this defusion device works for a while as we knuckle down to carrying our personal cross within the confines of the greater group identity.
Yet, eventually the bubbling undercurrent of ‘not being happy’, once more rises to the top where it will be swiftly dealt with by a sometimes coldly efficient leadership. The usual tactic of choice is to reflect the claustrophobic community concerns of the member back onto the member himself. Having looked for a safe and sincere forum where issues can be raised, the troublesome saint is often disillusioned at the response given viz. a subtle placement of blame upon his own character.
And so the scene is set for another departure, one that usually takes place through the ecclesiastical back door cleverly hidden by the somewhat patronising religious spin placed on it by the hierarchy of the group. ‘God has called Fred and Diane to a new work……’.
When rivalry within a religious family gets to the level of contagion, the group, like many blood-line families often explode and fragment. The number of such splits, especially within the Protestant stream of Christianity is endemic which is often covered up with the lame argument that God loves variety. Indeed He/She does, but not the psycho-spiritual shrapnel of broken lives that lie across the battlefield of religious disagreement.
My observations and experiences suggest to me that it all can’t be blamed on human nature, for such faith groups claim that they consist of ‘new creatures in Christ’. It would appear that the newly inherited Christ nature, loves to fight among Itself. Either this or the fact that we are not as ‘born again’ as we first thought.
May I humbly suggest that it is our mindset regarding faith or spiritual community that is at fault. Let me throw a grenade of sorts into the established model of church. There is only one ‘church’ and that is all who have been welcomed back into relationship and alignment by the generosity of Divine Love. In other words, church or ecclesia, those gathered for a common purpose is the totality of mankind. Some of us realise it and some don’t but all are there, at least in the eyes of a supremely benign and inclusive God.
So do I need to join a church if I follow Yeshua. My suggestion, contrary to much religious teaching is no. You are already in the group that God loves, the community of the redeemed who walk the face of the Earth. All belong to Divine Love and all belong to us. As you dive into the mass of heaving humanity you will join the Christ, the One who submerged Himself in the images of Divine Source. If it was good enough for Him it’s surely good enough for us.
Writer Dylan Morrison 
Once again you’ve described my own experience to a tee, Dylan! One minor difference being that we weren’t ‘called to a new work’, I think we just ‘got offended’, ‘weren’t committed enough’, or ‘lost our faith (in God or leadership?)’. I’m not sure what was said in damage control since none of our ‘friends’ ever approached us to ask after we exited. As to your view that all of humanity is the church, I would agree, but that’s a hard one to swallow for most Christians…might even be heretical!! ;)))
Hi exbaker.
The old ‘not committed enough’ rings true to my own experience!
Yes I’ve taken a bit of an existentialist leap in suggesting that mankind in its totality are the called out ones but if it helps expand the perception of church’s self identity then I’ll be more than happy to take the heretical flack.
š Dylan
I don’t think the one who removed himself has to worry about being expelled! Lol.
š
I think my own departure was a case of self-expulsion with a liitle help from Divine Love.
Having said that I’m sure my old pastoral friens were glad to see the back of me.
Dylan
Hello, Dylan, I was in a legalistic church for 30 years. To make a very long story short, it began to implode/explode when Jesus/Yeshua began to be exalted/praised. It shook so many who put their trust in their own understanding of the Law and many splinter groups later, those who hung on are still floundering. I always thought that the body of Christ grew by multiplication rather than division. But in my great questioning before I departed, the Spirit gave a validation in my mind and said “God will not let a fertile mind lay fallow…” Now, 15 years later I know I am leaps and bounds ahead of where I once was. It seems in my own life, I have observed that I have grown more in times when I am very much alone. And the changes in me from those experiences have stayed with me and made me who I am, so to speak. I do think we need fellowship with like minded people, but that “family” dynamic is so strong. Perhaps it goes awry so easily because for many of us, we have not had an optimal experience in our own family situation. Perhaps we then bring that into the Church “family”. Hence, no such thing as the perfect church… It seems even in Paul’s day with the early church, problems did not seem to arise until people started getting into “churches”. Then Paul had to start dealing with the problems and giving instruction: Husbands, love your wives…Children, obey your parents… what to do about those commiting fornication, lying, and such… Just my observance I guess. I guess as long as humans are involved, there will always be challenges. I’m so thankful to know my righteousness is declared by Yeshua and is because of Him… God bless you in your unique journey, Janice
Hi Janice
Thanks for sharing part of your own journey through the world of church.
You do raise some very good points. I can really see that many young adults or teens plug into the church family as a substitute for the dysfunctional one they may experience at home. It works for a while but eventually similar problems will appear within the committed church family. I suspect that many of us were committed to the idea of church when up to our eyes in it rather than a sensitivity to Spirit and those outside the ‘family’. A drug of sorts I guess.
Yes, in my experience we grow, whatever that really means, more on our own, in our aloneness, that state that can be transformed into the sacred place of Solitude, where we meet Divine Love head on. If He/She isn’t there then we have been living a religious lie.
Thank you for giving us a wee glimpse into your life and do feel free to pop back anytime.
Blessings
Dylan
Hi Dylan
There is a lot to think about here . Certainly for me its a new take on what the Church might be. One thing I can confidently say is that since I stepped out of the ‘Church’ family a few years ago ,and despite some very difficult personal challenges, God has become more central and real in my life.
Blessings
Arthur
Dylan, I think you describe the inner working of the “church” so well. I left the church I met Jesus in and attended for 18 yrs when my family caught caught up in a layleaders’ efforts to oust the new pastor. A difficult situation in my family became the tool by which the pastor, who was such a wise and loving blessing to us, would be taken down. Of course, this required several months of lies, gossip, slander, insults and outrageous accusations. I was told that it “wasn’t about me”, and the sad part is, that was true. My family and I were simply collateral damage, the price of doing business, the means by which a man’s life and ministry were to be destroyed.
Still, I tried to stay. But when, during a public church meeting, an elder stood up and spoke the ugliest, most offensive accusations against me, in front of my 12 year old daughter and a church full of people who knew that what he said wasn’t true but said nothing, I knew that I could never bring my child there again. Somehow, in my co-dependent, dysfunctional way of thinking, they could hurt me with their abuse, but when they tried to separate my daughter from me with lies, I could not allow it. I knew her very faith would be at risk.
We left, and in the years to follow, we struggled to recover from the abuse and out-right insanity that we lived with. It destroyed my husband and our marriage (he never let it go, never recovered). All I could do was cling to Jesus. My daughter is now a strong, passionate disciple of Christ, even as we wandered from church to church, sometimes not attending for months.
No one ever asked me why we left, although I have received a few lectures on forgiveness. The motto of the church is “Our church can be your home” and they talked often of us all being family. I do not allow my blood family members to be abusive to me or my family, and there is no reason to allow my spiritual family to do it either. It’s true, that we are all human and make mistakes. Still, we all know how to repent, be forgiven and can choose another path. It isn’t an act of grace or love to allow anyone to be abusive. The thing w/church dysfunction is that it can be so hidden, cloaked in a banner of “love”. I learned that the best position for a stab in the back in the church was a hug.
I am so grateful for the healing power of God, and when I see these people, I don’t feel any anger or bitterness (altho’ there was a time when both my daughter and I would experience deep anxiety when we saw anyone from the church). I have been set free, and am grateful for the brothers and sisters of God around me, who love God and love me. God used this experience to draw me into a deeper relationship with Him, and a stronger dependence on Him. I am more careful in relationships in church now, but freedom from the idea that my commitment to God automatically means a lifetime commitment to a church, no matter what, has really released me to love and serve freely wherever I am planted. š
An accurate summary of the common church experience. But we’re still stuck with how to reconcile the clear instructions from scripture for fellowship, gathering together, even dare I say discipline and rebuke among ourselves (terrifying). It is broadly true that while the ‘church’ is certainly a universal church, the local church was also intended. I’m not saying I have the answers, but I know we can’t just forsake it and call it good.
Hi Steven.
Thanks for dropping by and commenting. Yes, the church family usually ends up as dysfunctional as blood ones, but the scary thing is the overlay of God on it all. In my opinion Paul was a mystical pragmatist and not an archetect of a divine blue print known as church. I believe his ‘instructions’ were just suggestions for followers within his own Graeco-Roman stream of believers and not neccessarily for all Yeshua followers. For me they are ideas as to how one might organise Yeshua communities.
I do reckon that Paul would baulk at what we’ve done with his ideas and perhaps agree with me after hearing so many stories of manipulation and somewhat broken lives.For me friensdships are where it’s at but not those that centre on doing the Sunday/Wednesday evening religious thing.
š Dylan
As the responses indicate, you reflect the experience of many, including me, with churches. Still believing in the power of spiritual community, while well aware of the fracturing nature of relationships in such communities, I am finding the Quaker unprogrammed meetings for worship my most rewarding alternative yet.
Hi Bridget
Thanks for your comment. I’ve always had a respect for the Quakers after having read the Journal of George Fox, their founder. He was an amazingly gifted prophet seer way ahead of his time and totally fearless.If I’d been around then I’d have probably teamed up with him and his itinerant preachers!
š Dylan
Tim Kraft Perhaps if it were the true ”church” which is each human body of Christ it would not have the intensity of doctrinal issues and personal truthes which cause the separation and explosion! Not following Jesus truth is not wise! There is a reason Jesus did not ordain any sort of building to attempt to house God. The New Testament that you claim to follow was based on changing from a Temple made by man or with hands……to an eternal Temple built by God made without hands/brick/mortar! We are supposed to be built with spirit truth from God in our own truth Temples/Churches/House of God/Abode of God!!
Hi Tim.
Thanks for dropping by.
If you read my other blog posts you’ll see that I’m not really into church, buildings or otherwise. In the New Testament I observe Paul’s pragmatic experiments at trying to build christian community in a somewhat hostile environment, as clones of the Jewish synagogues that were found throughout the Roman Empire. I can respect his efforts even if I ultimately believe that they don’t work, for man is addicted to the religious group as a channel of Ultimate Reality. Personally, I believe that all of mankind is made in the image of God and that our egos have painted a completely different picture in both our thought lives and animal instincts. For me it’s not complicated; some have awoken and some not ( yet) to the inclusiveness of Divine Love. Both groups of folk lie both inside and outside the mainstreal religions, including Christianity. Dylan
a wonderful observation and summary…just one thing I need to ask: how do you go from the exploding church to humanity being included in Christ. Please explain your thoughts on the in-between process. Thx.
Perhaps our dysfunction is a result of the emphasis on doctrine and interpretation rather then relationship and love. In our fellowship. The western approach to God through scholasticism and intellect demands blind agreement or the illusion cannot be maintained. In the eastern approach, allowance is made for the personal development of revelation and knowledge of God. But for me, I find the need to experience Christ without institution involvement. I have met for 21 years with a band of brothers from many different evangelical churches . As time passes many discontinue their formal memberships finding they no longer require that attachment. We are mostly in our 60s and 70s but have an 83 year old. None would consider ending our two hours together every Monday. We see its power in our lives. Blessings to all in your journey.
Thanks for your thoughts and experience Tom. Yes, I think we need a little less indoctrination and a little more freedom to explore what the divine means for us. Hanging out with a group of friends is great, especially when the freedom to move on is allowed and even encouraged!
Blessings
Dylan
This touches me deeply. I yearn for the kind of community Tom Wallek experiences. While I agree philosophically that the indwelling Godde does not require a “church,” I also see the wonderful benefits of community banding together to do something that would be impossible for an individual. Hospitals, schools, food banks, shelters. These all require inspired group effort. This is why I remain in a messy, often ugly denomination.
The spiritual nurture takes place through other means. Thank you for your post. If nothing else, it reinforces what I intuitively knew…I am not the only one asking myself whether being part of church is worth the price.
WOW. I have never rally seen what I feel placed so succinctly in words. I never really had bad experiences in my 25 year Church life but began questioning the whole buildings and money thing whilst the poor still went hungry and the destitute still went without. In my 5 year sabatical from Church life I have returned to the truth of the Bible and Gods love for a suffering humanity. My Church life now consists of having meals with Christian friends and sharing life together. Thank you for writing this.
Thanks Dylan. A great post reflecting the experience of many of us. š
I enjoyed this read, thank you. Currently also reading your first book. Its funny I should stubble across your work at a time I worry so much about “church” attendance and all that goes with it. I have been in and out of church`s for a while never really finding any real fellowship, just a group of strangers meeting for worship that I would occasionally strike up a conversation with. I do attend a “biker church” which as you may guess is a church that welcomes motorbike riders from all walks of life and with some colorful backgrounds! I go every other Sunday and for now thats enough for me although I do feel bad for not going to a church every week especially as other members of the biker church go to both this one and another. The biker church helps as they do come across more down to earth folk and we have something in common to talk about other than our faith. I still long for close friends, even one that shared my faith. I live in a family of mostly skeptics or non believers. Again this can worry me and make me feel under pressure to show them I am still in the faith. Deep down I sense this is all wrong but I do know God is doing things in my life so I have to be patient I guess! One thing I have found sad is on attending new churches and starting to get to know people and even spending time outside of church with them is once you have left they dont want to know you! I find that so bizarre when we shout at the roof tops “we are the church” “not the building” yet if you leave the building they will assume you have faith no more and so have nothing to do with you. Especially when we are supposed to be there for each other for support and spiritual growth. For now my path is a rocky one, stumbling here and there, learning much and growing but sometimes hitting a dead end and having to turn back.