Living With A Religious Junkie
Let me start this wee post by saying that my wife Zan should really be writing it. This wonderful lady had to put up with my religious zeal for most of the formative years of our 32 year long marriage. It’s not easy living with a Jesus Freak, especially an Irish one with a big black Bible and a devotion to a radical charismatic church.
Anyway, in this post I’d like to explore some of the difficulties encountered in attempting to relate to an extremely zealous believer, whether within marriage, family circle or workplace. Let me say that the task isn’t an easy one, not easy at all. Perhaps this is why so many divorces eventually occur in marriages where either one of the partners suddenly finds religion, or finally admits to agnosticism.
What is it that makes a religious believer so hard to relate to?
Here are a few simple ideas:
1) They tend to have a one-track mind.
The believer sees absolutely everything through their version of Truth. Nothing is seen as having being or value in itself but is always hooked up to their God agenda. A walk in nature ends up with a pietistic sermon rather than a wondrous encounter with snow filled trees or melodious birdsong.
2) They see the world as black and white
No grey areas exist in the believers vision. The Holy Book says this so there is no discussion and no compromise. The Sacred Writings don’t need interpretation for they are written by God Himself.
3) Behind the black they see the Satan.
If we haven’t signed up to the believer’s particular formula for salvation then we are puppets and by inference allies of God’s enemy. Not an easy role to take on!, especially within a family. Alternative takes on the Satan as a psychic disease of the human condition are quickly dismissed.
4) Everyone they meet is a potential convert.
Evangelism or the proclamation of Good News is reduced to a proselytising, recruitment process, to place paying bums on the seats of their tithing faith community of choice. Fellow human beings, even those closest to them are stamped with a sinner label that quickly blocks the mutual exchange of human vulnerability.
5) They perceive themselves to be closer to God than the non believer.
Sinners saved by grace tend to quickly forget that grace, believing that their belief somehow makes them a bosom buddy of the Divine; a member of His ‘In Group’. The non believer easily senses this us them dichotomy even in the closest of families.
6) They believe that God is a quality controller.
Believing themselves to be ever under the watchful eye of the Divine Inspector, the zealous believer usually takes on this role with those whom they attempt to relate to. God’s will and standards are the benchmark by which the life of those closest are judged. The upholder of God’s Law can easily slip into a self-righteousness that quickly turns others off.
7) They believe that being right is of supreme importance.
It is amazing the lengths that the religious junkie will go to defend their metaphysical patch. God is frequently hauled onto their side of a discussion through the use of texts skillfully drawn from the Sacred Writings of choice. They know that whatever side God is on has won the argument – end of story. It is unthinkable for the zealous believer to acknowledge that they may be mistaken or to allow others a different mindset space.
The list could go on and on.
When I was on my mission for God all those decades ago, folk were hurt by my fiery psyche and I wasn’t even aware of it. Such is the blindness of the zealot in their attempt to save the world whilst ignoring the relational pain of those around them. Hell indeed for those hauled along for the heady religious ride.
In my next post I hope to look at some coping mechanisms for dealing with the religious junkies in our midst; those among whom we live and move and have our social being. Hold on ~ help is on its way!
http://www.amazon.com/author/dylanmorrison
Like your writing style Dylan. Look forward to reading more!
Thanks David.I popped over to your Poetry in Motion page! Lovely stuff – right up my contemplative street!
Let’s keep in touch
Dylan
Too right and thanks for the friend request!
My pleasure David!
Great stuff Dylan. Yes, there is no room for debate with a religious zealot. I run into that all the time when discussing reincarnation. When I ask, how do you explain homosexuals or child prodigys in our lives? Their reply is usually, I don’t know, I just don’t believe in reincarnation. Keep up the good work.
Thanks for dropping by Clifford. Yes, the fundamentalist claims to value the mind over experience but only uses rationality within boundaries set by fear. A contradiction that they can’t see nor acknowledge. I reckon we are all screwed in our odd little ways unless Divine Love turns on the Light!
Blesings
Dylan
You left out a BIG one…. the religious zealot/jesus freak that is a tyrannical abuser. I am a PK (Preacher’s Kid for those not in the know) & my salvation came the day I could get myself away from my biological father & his church. He not only damaged me (emotionally, mentally & physically) but damaged my ability to be spiritual or have an independent relationship with any formulation of god, including God/Jesus for a long long time.
Anon – you read my mind. I started with the softer side of the Religious Junkie in this post. In the next week or so I’ll be doing a three part blog series on spiritual abuse. Your own tragic story is I’m afraid fairly common within religious homes. No wonder so many PKs want nothing to do with their preacher parents or their take on God. It is a matter of psychic survival to run away from it all. Thanks for dropping by and shooting from the hip. Your comment is both perceptive and greatly valued by this blogger/author!
Excellent and so true. I’ve met people like this.
Thanks Donna. Yes there are plenty around causing much grief to their families and friends. I was one, now I’m a recovering one. That’s why I dare not go to religious meetings!
Good article, can’t wait to read more!
Thanks for your encouraging comment Rob. Nice to have you here!!!
I try to not make generalizations, but from the “zealots” I have encountered in my life, most of them were recovering something, be it alcoholic, gambler, etc. I too, am a PK, my struggle was not due to my Dad, but to the parishioners who were determined to hold me up as the example, good or bad, to their children.
Hi Robin
Thanks for dropping by and commenting. Yes, many recovering alcoholics, gamblers, drug addicts drop their addiction of choice and replace it with religion. They may have had a genuine encounter with Divine Love but often get fall into the religious addiction once the church provides the new highs! To be set up as an example to other children within a religious group is a pressure that no child should have to face. My wife Zan suffered the same fate and it’s switched her off the religious game for good!
This post and these comments bring back to mind the book, “In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts.” It’s the story about addictions–to drugs, alcohol, work, CD’s or whatever. I don’t remember him mentioning addiction to religion, but it certainly fits the description.
Interesting Lila. I must have a wee look for it. I believe religious addiction to be extremely prevalent and indeed insidious, a hard drug to shake off. It usually takes a crisis to jolt us out of it and set us on the path to freedom.
Blessings
Dylan
I know from personal experience that this is all true. I WAS the religious zealot when I was in high school. No one believed as strongly as I did and I held other so-called Christians in contempt for their lack of conviction. Every aspect of my life was viewed through the lens of my faith from music, what I watched on tv, what friends I had, and even which homework assignments I could participate in. There were no dances, proms, dating, parties, or extra-curriculars for me. It was impossible to reason with me or discuss anything rationally with me because no matter what you said, I WAS RIGHT. I was on fire, I was a martyr, I was the only light in the darkness. I alienated everyone in my life with my actions and beliefs while the church I was in continued to push me and insist I wasn’t doing enough. No matter what I did, it wasn’t good enough. No matter how hard I tried, I was still going to Hell. Finally, after graduation, it finally occurred to me that the so-called sinners in my life were treating me far better than my brothers and sisters in Christ and I finally decided to leave my faith. It took many years for me to reconcile with God and to form a belief that will allow me to pray and believe in Him. I do not attend any organized church, mostly because of panic attacks, but I have a belief and a faith I call my own and I teach it to my children. There is no reasoning with a zealot. You can love them, set strict boundaries, and enforce them. Sometimes they come back to reality, sometimes not. It is possible…because I did it.
Thanks for your most honest comment Karmaparade!
Many of us here have been there – ‘on fire for God’ with an arrogance that turned many of our friends off Divine Love for life. I tend to think that we recovering RJs are given another go by the Divine once we’ve had the certainty knocked out of us by the masterclass of life. Sounds like you’re on the right lines with your own children.
Blessings
Dylan
Amazing and timely. And I must confess I’ve shown hints of those very things myself.
Delightfully insightful!
I just discovered you in the Balcony of Life; the Loud Mouth will be back for more! Keep ’em coming.
Thanks Pat. Lovely to have you drop by! Hopefully more of the same is on its way!
[…] blogger named Dylan Morrison posted this in an awesome blog called The Prodigal Prophet. This post stirred up some vivid, cringing flashbacks as I recalled my early college phase of […]
Thank you, Dylan. I can completely relate to your life story, since I lived it, too. I went through a phase of being a zealot and turned a lot of my loved ones off. As time went on, I grew up and then realized, to my chagrin, what I’d done. I wrote an apology letter to as many people as I could think of that were impacted by my immature outlook.
I do see, though, that the religious zealot has an original sincerity that is still within her/his soul. Zealots start out really, truly wanting the truth, then get sidetracked.
When we are touched directly by Divine Love, everything but Love drops away. From this humble place, miracles emerge. I now write and teach about the healing power of forgiveness as a universal balm available to everyone, no matter what path we’re on. As I experience it, forgiveness is what happens when we allow that touch to heal us through and through.
All the best to you,
Ana at Clear Path to Peace
Hi Ana.
Thanks for your most enlightening comment. Indeed, every RJ has I believe a spark of Divine Life within, but they tend to run on the fear fueled tracks of religious belief stemming from the fragmented psyche or ego. Many of us have had to burn out before the authentic spark once more became apparent. Your work on forgiveness is indeed a powerful way of detaching from the rivalries and defence mechanisms that the hurting subpersonalities try and cling onto.
Blessings
Dylan
I really love what you wrote…I am on the same journey as you are, brother, and finding that the “left foot” of fellowship is much more prevalent in my former “Christian” circles than the right hand of friendship since I no longer believe and live according to the religious rules and practices that you list above. I won’t say that I am a “former” pastor, because I still believe that the compassion, desire, caring, and major driving force in my life is still that of a pastor. I no longer see that as an office, but simply a way for me to live, that which is in me that I cannot deny (nor do I wish to deny), which is a reflection of the love of God that overflows from my heart. You can imagine, then, what kind of “reception” I get from other pastors, and even from the devout Pentecostal believers of my former congregations and denomination…not a positive one, to be sure! Thank you for sharing your heart…you are an encouragement to me.
– Ed
Ed it sounds like we’re on the same Journey, discovering that like water, Spirit likes to flow freely and not be placed in a big religious tank for disposal on Sundays or Wednesday evenings! The further you move into Divine Love the less the old labels will matter, even the pastoring gift that you have will morph into Love.
Thanks for your wee story! Drop by again anytime.
Blessings
Dylan
Hello Mr. D… I am not and never was a Christian, according to Christians. I believe I have been inspired by God, The Christ, The Holy Spirit. I can’t relate to their teachings…Dogma. I now think of my understanding of The Christ teachings as Jesus 2.0… I still attend Sunday service at the Church that showed me that I am not a Christian, I go to worship my God and to give thanks to Jesus… I am I wrong to attend? I enjoy the joyful and inspiring music…I love the hugs I receive… Never mind the question, asked and answered… I look forward to your continual work and the posts that follow… And good luck to us all. May the essence of God continue to inspire you and all of us…
Thanks for dropping by Joseph and commenting. I agree with you that dogma has been used to exclude many who are actually aware of and awakened to the experience of the Christ or risen Yeshua.As regards church just go when and where you feel the urge to do so. Spirit within will let you know if it’s time to run!!!1
Blessings
Dylan
Read your Article Dylan and it has a familiar ring from many, many years ago. Though we weren’t in the tongues speaking camp, we, the fanatics were sometimes attacked by this camp… We did study them all, and embraced a number of Christian Traditions–the holiness churches, the most self righteous was our campsite for a number of years. We, husband and our four Children emmerged on the lighter, but still “we have the Truth side”, the Nazarene Church. But, darn it, our inquiring nature, and constant studying led us out of bondage, ;( . With all this said, in order for us to be “home free” , we need to lay down our anger, bitterness, be forgiving, show mercy, compassion and love, and be patient with yourself and others. We found, that Everything belongs and has brought us where we are today, so we are grateful, giving thanks! <3Reply
The other day I passed a church with poster outside that rad ‘the lord is my shepherd is he yours? Kinda summed up the saved attitude for me sad really