In the last two posts we’ve seen how in times of stress we turn to our subpersonalities to help us survive. These little ‘me’s have been absorbed into our sense of Self following traumas in our infancy.
One such subpersonality is the mirror reflection of our mother/father taken on board when we sensed their disapproval or withdrawal of unconditional love during the development of Self during our formative years. The more the withdrawal of unconditional love and it’s replacement by conditional acceptance then the more powerful the parental subpersonality.
A young child will do anything to have its parents approval and becoming like that parent is one such psychic tendency. In future years, dealing with our own young offspring under stress we tend to switch into this parental survival personality to bring some order to the whole child rearing mess. Hence the whole process is replicated and another young Self twisted by the entrance of the conditional Inner Parent.
How do we find release from the resulting tyrany of these hidden characters or subpersonalities?
Firstly let me suggest that the general soloution lies in the psychic integration of such little personalities within a renewed sense of Self.
How do we get to that inner place of wholeness and acceptance?
The initial step sounds simple but is often difficult for us to take, viz the observation of all the subpersonalities within us. In my own experience these subpersonalities are often more apparent to our spouse/partner or close friends.
Ask them to let you know when you ‘switch’ into another identity if only momentarily. My wife will spot my ‘survival dad’ coming upon me when I go sullenly quiet or passive to cope with pressure. Where did I learn this strategy for survival – yes, from my dad.
So over the next few weeks, try and identify particular parental or other types of survival personalities that you turn to in order to get you through times of stress or judgement by others.
Do not try and get rid of these miniture persons but try and identify their main trait and make a note of them. You might be surprised at how many you get through in the course of a week!
Remember we are not trying to judge, reject or do violence to your subpersonalities at this stage. Our first step towards wholeness is to become aware of them and jot them down in a journal or notebook. Note down too what seems to trigger their usually dramatic appearance.
We shall continue our strategy for dealing with these subconscious little ‘me’s next time.
Writer Dylan Morrison 
I really found this article interesting and am going to go back and read the ones that lead up to this one. Being a parent of two small children I often recognize in my responses a mirror-like reaction of that of my parents, especially my mother. It’s not always flattering 😉 I think many of us seek to rid ourselves of some of these “subpersonalities” for they seem to be elements of what make up unfavorable cycles that are repeated from generation to generation. Anyways, I don’t want to write too much…but very interesting topic! I like how you suggest taking note of these personalities and observing them by writing in the journal. I think I’ll try that 🙂
Thanks for your comment and recent friendship Jessica. I think that you’re spot on. We automatically seem to go into a subpersonality mode when we feel unloved and under some kind of threat, even from our young toddlers! This is the infused parent subpersonality replaying our own history at a traumatic time in our own childhood development. We act as our parent figure acted towards us. It will be interesting to see what pops up in your psyche over the next while. Once into the open these learned/absorbed responses are easier to deal with but more of that later.
Blessings
Dylan:)
I found this to be very interesting. I will make a note of this. I find it very difficult to cope with young teenagers at times because I feel they put me under a microscope and are very judgemental like their father. I will tune in more on self when I find them cynical.
I’m glad you found this little post to resonate with you Cathy. Judgement always operates out of ego and its sub-personalities. It is a defensive position that our fragmented selves take to avoid the threat of annihilation.
Your hormone driven kids are expressing such sub-personalities in their conflicts with you. Relating to them out of your sacred sense of I is the way ahead, yet boundaries may have to be drawn, to protect this space. Love is truthful but tender.
Blessings
Dylan
Blessings from Australia Dylan. I’ve just recognized an inner voice of judgemnt in myself the past week. A terrible critical mother voice that wanted me to feel bad about myself for being me. Then I came to realise it was the voice that I should loath not me. I’m a little crazy but I kinda like that about myself!! Thanks for the post…Wendy
Glad the post resonated Wendy! The critical mother voice will have more than likely come in like a virus during a time of trauma in childhood. The resulting subpersonality has taken on the mimetic imprint of perhaps your own mother/grandmother etc. Just gently but firmly inform it that it is welcome within your psyche, community of inner voices but that it will not be allowed to control you. It can sit around the table and learn to love and be loved by the other aspects of your personality and more importantly by your ‘I – the inner spirit deposit of Divine love itself. Thanks for dropping by and sharing. 🙂 Dylan
Can you take my youngest teenager away from me for just a little while. I love him very much but his bid to reach full maturity in one go is stretching even the limits of this angel’s patience. Just kidding. I will deal with it as gently as I am able. Its a learning experience for sure. Thanks for sharing Dylan
Been there and got the tee-shirt Meriel. Yes the individuation process is so painful for all, teenager, going on adult and loving parents. It’s all about space I reckon, both physical and emotional – you both need it in order to keep your sanity. Great to have you visit Meriel. Hope you get through to my next post!!!