Yesterday I looked at how an aspect of our mothers or fathers seem to lurk within us, only coming out when we are under stress. I called this little subconscious aspect a sub-personality that is part of our overall survival personality – like an emergency fireman lying around a fire station waiting for the bell to ring.
How did this aspect of our parent’s make up get inside us in the first place?
In our infancy the sense of Self is embryonic. The significant others in our development at this time are usually our parents. When unconditional love is transmitted to us our Self begins to form, gaining a sense of OKness that will help us in later life.
If, however, the flow between our parents and us is a conditional form of love or acceptance, then the developing Self is twisted in its development. Such trauma for the developing infant calls for drastic action. The Self fragments into numerous parts called sub-personalities. One such subpersonality is the parent in me formed when the infant’s subconscious logic argues like this:
My mother/father have rejected my Self – I will absorb part of their personality as my own. They don’t reject themselves so they will no longer reject me for I will be a mirror reflection of their own Self.
Such is the process whereby dysfunctional subpersonalities pass down the generations – a generational curse or what?
How to escape this syndrome?
More to follow.
Writer Dylan Morrison 
Dylan, you should read Carl Rogers on conditions of worth, the actualising tendency, incongruence etc. He overlaps a bit with what you’re saying.
Thanks for the tip Simon. Rogers was brought up as the son of a clergyman/pastor. I wonder what sub-personalities he inherited?
I am not at all like my mom and iI believe children don’t have to be like parents. As long as they can copy good manners and values, that is important.
Thanks for the comment and dropping by. Indeed we learn many good things from our parents. I also believe that as infants we also absorb their flaws which may sit deep within our unconscious psyches well into adult life, only appearing as we face stressful situations. We may just have different experiences of family I guess. Blessings ~ Dylan
I know this is very much true of me. I’ve become free of much and there is yet more. Just as our parents did not intend to cause us harm, there is no need to have negative feelings about the parts of them we’ve internalized.
I like the Zen approach of smiling at those parts of Self and saying “hi, I remember you” recognize. disarm. reform into a more healthier shape, perhaps? Tell that part of Self that is has served you well, but is no longer needed . . .
The key is recognize. I need to perceive more of this, I think.
Thanks for dropping by Lynelle. Yes, Divine Love can even woo the parental sub-personalies when the spirit ‘I’ sees them for the first time. Recognition is indeed the key to integration and healing.
This also reminds me of the Shadow Self that Jung talks about. Brilliant stuff.
Sometimes Lynelle it appears that like an iceberg, most of us lies beneath the consciousness waterline.